47 more days until I graduate from College

ok..... this is the first post I have made in a long time. I have an ENORMOUS to do list (especially for my portfolio class). For some reason that list is so long that I am not motivated to do any of it. I think I have a bad case of senioritis but if I give into the temptation of doing nothing then I am screwed. Screwed to the wall.

Lately I have noticed a change in my personality, motivation, and creativity. I am not creating anything for myself right now.... I am "working" like a dog to get my portfolio ready to be viewed by potential employers. I am so excited about finally getting out of school but the thought of taking that next step (getting a job) is so scary to think about. I need to start writing again, my creativity is at a slump, I am so stressed about the events that are about to come I think I may throw up in my mouth a little, Ian's birthday is coming up and I am not confident about what I am doing for him, I have so many bridal showers to attend/ throw within the next few weeks to plan for, I need to let my emotions out somehow, I need to get back to the gym, painting used to feel so good... I should do it more.

Does anybody else have a problem with being honest with themselves? Right now I feel like I am just kidding myself....

I feel emotionally distressed and overloaded.

I have a jealousy/ envy problem. I don't know why (I do know why I just don't want to admit it, because that means its real).

How can I block out the world long enough to get my portfolio finished?

My insecurities are getting the best of me.